These are scary words to hear when they concern your child. They are even more frightening to say to the parent of a child in your care.
When I first started my in-home daycare, the agency I was working with sent me a child we'll call Alfred. The paperwork, completed by his mother and sent to me from the agency, stated that Alfred 'played well with other children'. Within hours of Alfred's first day at my house, I suspected something was unusual with his behavior. After he had been in my care for a few weeks, I was certain something was very wrong.
The agency neglected to tell me that Alfred was referred to them from the Children's Aid Society. I discovered that Alfred had witnessed his father physically abusing his mother on a regular basis. He had a constant expression of hopelessness and eyes that didn't focus on anything or anyone in particular.
He didn't play well with other children. If a multi-piece toy was between Alfred and another child, Alfred would gather the pieces under him and perch himself over them. He pretended to be a cat, communicating exclusively in meows and hisses. He lashed out with his "paws" at the other kids, and once bit me on the foot. He would stare at nothing for hours, oblivious to children playing loudly only inches away.
I explained to his mother that this behavior was unusual and recommended she investigate it with her family doctor. A friend had recommended the name of a pediatric psychiatrist. I wrote the name down and passed it on to Alfred's mother.
"I often think I should see a psychiatrist," she said pensively, as she stuffed the paper into her purse.
That's a great idea. But when you go, take your son with you.
She never went. A few weeks later, she pulled Alfred out of daycare. This is a child who could have benefited from early professional intervention. Help he didn't get.
I am a daycare provider. I don't have a diploma in Early Childhood Education. I don't have a degree in Psychology. I am just the babysitter.
Finding good quality daycare is a challenge most working parents face. Finding a provider with a similar perspective on parenting and discipline, who shares your values, and provides enough consistency in her routine so that you know what to expect from your child when you pick them up from care is a unique blend of qualities. I am not the ideal provider for every child. Every child is not a good fit for my daycare. When you do find the ideal mix of child, parent and provider, you have found gold for both sides.
A child in full time daycare spends as much if not more time with the provider than they do with their parents. A good provider will tell you if they feel there is something about your child that should be addressed. Not only does she spend a lot of time with your child, but she also has the unique perspective of seeing your child interacting with her peers, both older and younger. Take your provider's concerns seriously. Ask her to provide you with details of what she has witnessed and show this to your health care professional.
What will cause your provider to be concerned about your child?
Behavior
• does not pay attention or stay focused on an activity for as long a time as other children of the same age
• focuses on unusual objects for long periods of time and enjoys this more than interacting with others
• avoids or rarely makes eye contact with others
• gets unusually frustrated when trying to do simple tasks that most children of the same age can do
• shows aggressive behaviors and appears to be very stubborn compared to other children
• displays violent behavior on a daily basis
• stares into space, rocks body, or talks to self more than other children of the same age
• does not seek love and approval from a caregiver or parent
Gross Motor
• has stiff arms and/or legs
• has a floppy or limp body posture compared to other children of the same age
• uses one side of body more than the other
• has a very clumsy manner compared with other children of the same age
Vision
• has difficulty following objects or people with her eyes
• rubs eyes frequently
• turns, tilts or holds head in an unusual position when looking at an object
• has difficulty picking up small objects (after 12 months)
• has difficulty focusing or making eye contact
• closes one eye when looking at distant objects
• brings objects too close to eyes
• eyes appear crossed or turned or appear abnormal in size or colouring
Hearing
• talks in a very loud or very soft voice
• has difficulty responding when called from across the room, even when it's for something interesting
• turns body so that the same ear is always toward the sound
• has difficulty understanding what has been said or following directions (after 3 years)
• doesn't startle to loud noises
• ears appear small or deformed
• fails to develop sounds or words that would be appropriate for her age
Speech
• has difficulty pronouncing the following words: sew, house, zoo, buzz, chop, much, jam, fudge, shoe, push, look, ball (by age 5)
If your provider brings any of these issues to your attention, make an appointment with your health care professional. The range of what is considered normal development in a young child is wide, however these red flags are often indicative of a possible developmental delay. Your daycare provider is not interested in being right or wrong. She cares about your child like one of her own. She only wants to support you in your efforts to be the best possible parent you can be.
Sources:
The Nipissing District Developmental Screen (TM)
CARSC - How Kids Develop
Monday, October 24, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Hallowe'en
Just over a week away, Hallowe'en awaits.
It's a fun and festive time for my kids, as it was for me as a child. A few years ago, I took the kids on a walk around our neighbourhood to show them the ghoulish decorations and carved pumpkins on display.
"What's that?" asks Ty, pointing to a skeleton.
"That's a skinny guy who didn't eat his oatmeal," I reply. It made an impression. Years later, he never refuses a bowl of oatmeal. Yay! He eats something!
Some of the daycare kids who go to the same school as my own went on a field trip to a local farm and came home with pie pumpkins.
"What do we do with these?" they ask.
"We scoop out the insides and carve faces into them."
"How do we do that?"
Well, first you need a pumpkin.
Carefully cut off the top and put it aside. Scoop out the insides into a separate bowl. Save the pumpkin seeds for a yummy treat.
Rinse the pumpkin seeds, cleaning them of pulp. Pat dry. Measure out 2 cups of pumpkin seeds. I was a little short, but close enough.
Add 1½ tbsp of melted butter and 1½ tsp of salt. I used sea salt, but any kind of salt will do. The sea salt gave these a flavour not unlike popcorn. Spray a cookie sheet with Pam or grease with oil and spread the seeds out evenly. Bake at 250ยบ for 2 hours.
While the seeds are baking, carve basic shapes into the pumpkin to make eyes, a nose and mouth. Triangles, squares, rectangles are all great shapes to use. Unless you have specific tools or more talent than I do, I really don't recommend circles.
Our Jack-o-lanterns in full flame, complete with battery powered candles.
Happy Hallowe'en
It's a fun and festive time for my kids, as it was for me as a child. A few years ago, I took the kids on a walk around our neighbourhood to show them the ghoulish decorations and carved pumpkins on display.
"What's that?" asks Ty, pointing to a skeleton.
"That's a skinny guy who didn't eat his oatmeal," I reply. It made an impression. Years later, he never refuses a bowl of oatmeal. Yay! He eats something!
Some of the daycare kids who go to the same school as my own went on a field trip to a local farm and came home with pie pumpkins.
"What do we do with these?" they ask.
"We scoop out the insides and carve faces into them."
"How do we do that?"
Well, first you need a pumpkin.
Carefully cut off the top and put it aside. Scoop out the insides into a separate bowl. Save the pumpkin seeds for a yummy treat.
Rinse the pumpkin seeds, cleaning them of pulp. Pat dry. Measure out 2 cups of pumpkin seeds. I was a little short, but close enough.
Add 1½ tbsp of melted butter and 1½ tsp of salt. I used sea salt, but any kind of salt will do. The sea salt gave these a flavour not unlike popcorn. Spray a cookie sheet with Pam or grease with oil and spread the seeds out evenly. Bake at 250ยบ for 2 hours.
While the seeds are baking, carve basic shapes into the pumpkin to make eyes, a nose and mouth. Triangles, squares, rectangles are all great shapes to use. Unless you have specific tools or more talent than I do, I really don't recommend circles.
Our Jack-o-lanterns in full flame, complete with battery powered candles.
Happy Hallowe'en
Monday, October 17, 2011
The Star Finally Sleeps
Imagine living your life in the public eye. You are constantly peppered with questions. Followed discreetly in stores and on the street until your stalker works up the nerve to address you. You are the focus of everyone's attention. People point in your direction and whisper amongst themselves.
You've become an instant sensation, a kind of superstar. You'll never be mercilessly discredited in the Enquirer or featured in grace on the cover of People or Time. No one will ask you for your autograph. What you are is a piece of social curiosity. Something new. Different. Unusual.
You are the mother of twins.
I was always amazed at the never ending, inquisitive questions complete strangers assume are totally appropriate to ask another person in public. Some of the more common inquiries include:
"Did you have help?"
Um, what exactly do you mean by 'Help'?
...as in a book?
Yes, I couldn't believe it when "How to Knock Up Your Wife" was available on Amazon. People who bought this also liked, "The Person Behind the Double Stroller May Not be Thinking Rationally" and "The Art of Minding Your Own Business."
...as in a coach?
Nope. Me and the husband figured it out all on our own!
...as in medical intervention?
Only when the buns were cooked and needed to come out of the oven.
...as in fertility treatments?
There was talk of a Pink Floyd reunion tour. Does that count?
"Are they identical?"
Damn it, Jim! I'm exhausted, not a genetics professor. Ok, grab your slide rule and settle in.
As twins go, identical does not mean xerox copies. We're talking twins, not clones. Identical in twin terms means monozygotic (one zygote or basically one united cell). One egg + one sperm = 2 babies. That's complicated math, but essentially what you've gone and done is made two people from the same materials. These twins are almost always the same gender. They look strikingly similar, but subtle differences do exist in all identical twins. Fingerprints, are just one example.
In very rare instances, monozygotic twins result in one being male and one being female. Gender is determined by two sex chromosomes, one from mom (X) and one from dad (X or Y). Combine an X with a Y and you get a boy, an X and an X make a girl. Identical, different gendered twins occur when the female twin is afflicted with Turner Syndrome, a condition where she is missing one of the chromosomes that determine gender. You end up with Boy (XY) and Girl (X).
Turner Syndrome aside, boy / girl twins are not identical. These twins are fraternal or dizygotic. Obvious signs of this are in their diapers. They have different parts. Second, there's an extra prize in play for the sperm brigade. 2 eggs + 2 sperm = 2 babies. Fraternal twins are as different as any other siblings, each made from a random sampling of mom and dad pieces. They can be both male, both female or one of each.
When my kids were infants, feeding every 2 - 3 hours round the clock, I was asked this question by a well meaning friend of my mother's. "No," I replied, yawning, "they're nocturnal."
"How did you cope with postpartum depression?"
You're kidding, right? There was no time to do anything else but tend to the most essential of needs. Feedings, diaper changes, tummy time, getting to know two new members of our family, and keeping up with endless mountains of laundry were what consumed my day. We forced into this schedule time for my husband and I to eat. Sometimes, we slept. Anything else was relegated into the list of creature comforts. You know, non-essential stuff like having a shower, getting dressed, going pee, brushing my teeth. By the time postpartum depression might have developed, there was no time to acknowledge it and besides, I couldn't hear the voices in my head over the baby crying tinnitus that echoed in my ears.
"How do you tell them apart?"
Well, when I get really confused, it's usually time to change a diaper and 'POOF' there's the answer. Most of the time, though, I just look at them. The one dressed in pink is a big hint.
Now that my kids are older, my superstar days are in decline. I don't miss it. I am no longer the circus freak at the park, or the topic of conversation in the grocery checkout line. Now, I am just any other mother of two children. Meet my son and my daughter. They just happen to have the same birthday.
You've become an instant sensation, a kind of superstar. You'll never be mercilessly discredited in the Enquirer or featured in grace on the cover of People or Time. No one will ask you for your autograph. What you are is a piece of social curiosity. Something new. Different. Unusual.
You are the mother of twins.
I was always amazed at the never ending, inquisitive questions complete strangers assume are totally appropriate to ask another person in public. Some of the more common inquiries include:
"Did you have help?"
Um, what exactly do you mean by 'Help'?
...as in a book?
Yes, I couldn't believe it when "How to Knock Up Your Wife" was available on Amazon. People who bought this also liked, "The Person Behind the Double Stroller May Not be Thinking Rationally" and "The Art of Minding Your Own Business."
...as in a coach?
Nope. Me and the husband figured it out all on our own!
...as in medical intervention?
Only when the buns were cooked and needed to come out of the oven.
...as in fertility treatments?
There was talk of a Pink Floyd reunion tour. Does that count?
"Are they identical?"
Damn it, Jim! I'm exhausted, not a genetics professor. Ok, grab your slide rule and settle in.
As twins go, identical does not mean xerox copies. We're talking twins, not clones. Identical in twin terms means monozygotic (one zygote or basically one united cell). One egg + one sperm = 2 babies. That's complicated math, but essentially what you've gone and done is made two people from the same materials. These twins are almost always the same gender. They look strikingly similar, but subtle differences do exist in all identical twins. Fingerprints, are just one example.
In very rare instances, monozygotic twins result in one being male and one being female. Gender is determined by two sex chromosomes, one from mom (X) and one from dad (X or Y). Combine an X with a Y and you get a boy, an X and an X make a girl. Identical, different gendered twins occur when the female twin is afflicted with Turner Syndrome, a condition where she is missing one of the chromosomes that determine gender. You end up with Boy (XY) and Girl (X).
Turner Syndrome aside, boy / girl twins are not identical. These twins are fraternal or dizygotic. Obvious signs of this are in their diapers. They have different parts. Second, there's an extra prize in play for the sperm brigade. 2 eggs + 2 sperm = 2 babies. Fraternal twins are as different as any other siblings, each made from a random sampling of mom and dad pieces. They can be both male, both female or one of each.
When my kids were infants, feeding every 2 - 3 hours round the clock, I was asked this question by a well meaning friend of my mother's. "No," I replied, yawning, "they're nocturnal."
"How did you cope with postpartum depression?"
You're kidding, right? There was no time to do anything else but tend to the most essential of needs. Feedings, diaper changes, tummy time, getting to know two new members of our family, and keeping up with endless mountains of laundry were what consumed my day. We forced into this schedule time for my husband and I to eat. Sometimes, we slept. Anything else was relegated into the list of creature comforts. You know, non-essential stuff like having a shower, getting dressed, going pee, brushing my teeth. By the time postpartum depression might have developed, there was no time to acknowledge it and besides, I couldn't hear the voices in my head over the baby crying tinnitus that echoed in my ears.
"How do you tell them apart?"
Well, when I get really confused, it's usually time to change a diaper and 'POOF' there's the answer. Most of the time, though, I just look at them. The one dressed in pink is a big hint.
Now that my kids are older, my superstar days are in decline. I don't miss it. I am no longer the circus freak at the park, or the topic of conversation in the grocery checkout line. Now, I am just any other mother of two children. Meet my son and my daughter. They just happen to have the same birthday.
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